Theo,

My earliest memory is of playing pushcars with you on the carpet in that little 2 bedroom house we lived in, do you remember? It was probably 1975.

I remember playing cops and robbers and superheroes, do you remember?

Remember how as we pushed those cars on that carpet, we’d say “Ela fíle, páme fíle, me trákares fíle, den peirazei fíle, páme páli fíle”. Do you remember?

You were my first “fíle” We played a lot back then. We played so much!
Do you remember us setting the couch on fire? We almost burned the house down. They forgave us. They always did. Do you remember?

I remember us racing empty shopping carts around the supermarket because Mommy and Daddy always had two shopping carts and we would each get one to push, do you remember?

Do you remember nursery school where you helped me get on your shoulders and unlatch the door so we could escape and go play at Pappou’s garage? That nursery was shit, Pappou’s was so much better. Do you remember?

Do you remember the long drives to Durban and Daddy stopping near Secunda to show us the “Top Secrets”? Those massive towers in the distance that lit up the sky that produced oil from coal that he helped build and with which he gave us everything our hearts desired, everything and anything.

We couldn’t go near the “Top Secrets”, they were these distant symbols representing hard, hard work and special skills and trust, immense trust. “One day you’ll also build top secrets” he’d tell us.

Do you remember Anstey’s beach and how hard it was at first for us to fit in with the locals? You made so many friends. You made good friends. Do you remember you were first in class? Those years at Grosvenor High were the best, do you remember? Do you remember you captained your rugby team? They called you “Moose”. You were unstoppable. Do you remember when we went to see the All Blacks play? Do you remember?

Remember when you learned to drive?

Do you remember speeding through the streets, getting caught by the police without a license and being brought home and explaining “it wasn’t me speeding Dad, it was the policeman who was speeding trying to catch me!”

Do you remember how Daddy, realising he was losing his grip on his two eldest boys rolled a beat up old Beetle into the yard, gave us a set of ratchets and spanners and said “There, this is your car – take it apart, learn how it works, put it together again. Make it work”

It was his way of keeping us away from the bad influences that surrounded us. We did. So many parts! It ran, we learned. Do you remember? We are the Beetle experts.

Do you remember how hard it was to move away from Grosvenor? You adjusted again and made good friends again but by this time you were out of school and there were new struggles. Harder struggles. The army was a struggle. Something happened in the army that you never wanted to talk about. It changed you. You struggled after the army and we struggled too but I’m sure not as much as you did inside. I was lucky. I never went to that army.

Do you remember how hard it was moving to Greece? You came with your wife and your boy. We were a close family but we struggled. Boy did we struggle. You more than anyone. You made two more boys here. You had a bad hand dealt at that time dear brother. I was the lucky one. I wish it could have been easier for you.

A few years later you left and went back to face an easier struggle. I’m glad you found the path that you wanted. Your path. We promised we’d do our best for the boys and I hope we did. I promised I would and I still will, always. Every one of your brothers and sisters are doing something and we always will.

We had so many fights but you were my first “file”. Do you remember? I have so many memories. So many good memories. Im sorry my boys never got to know you as I remember you. I have so many memories to tell them.

Rest in peace my brother. You’ve had your last struggle. I will always remember you and speak of you fondly. I hope you’re driving fast, in a red Ferrari up there. Give mommy a big hug from all of us here.

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